From The View of A Nerd

If anyone ever comes on here, I guess you are alone. I'm alone in this internet world. Nobody reading my blogs :(. Remember that post a looooooooooooong time ago and I was talking about a guy that I liked? Well, I stopped liking him and now he goes to my school. And he has grown up. And he's gorgeous. And he is friends ex. Ouch. Ok, I admit it. I’ve been denying myself only because she’s my friend. R is beautiful. He looks as though the Gods have sculpted him to utter perfection. I don’t know why I won’t just let myself like people. It’s a problem I have because I don’t want to hurt other’s feelings, I guess. But now I’m just going to get this out and stare at him until my heart is content. Will I ever say hi? Maybe. Will I ever ask him out? Maybe when I’m 100lbs lighter and see pigs fly. And no, not the ones on airplanes, the ones with wings.

Paloma

Gone

I sat on my bed, getting in the fetal position. He was gone. I will never see his perfectly crooked smile or his beautiful eyes again. I will never be able to feel his firm yet soft arms around me or cuddle with him when I've had a bad day. It all happened so quickly.

I came home from a stressful day at work, calling for him when I got inside.

“Babe! Hello?”

No answer. I walked all over the house, checking every room. I was starting to get worried. He said he would be home. I approached the bedroom door. I didn't want to know what happened in there. He's been having a tough time, who knows what could have happened. I opened the door.

The room was empty. I looked around. There was note on the nicely folded sheets. It had my name printed in his handwriting. I picked it up and became short of breath. I didn't want to know what it said.

Paloma,

It was his handwriting.

I know you love me now for who I truly am and not for who I’ve become. Never forget that I loved, love, and will always love you no matter where I am. Never give up. I know I'm a hypocrite saying that, but I never want you to give up on yourself, your dreams and ambitions, maybe even a successful relationship.

Tears were rolling down my face. I didn't want to read anymore, but I had to finish it.

Just promise you'll only remember the good things. Our first date. The time we first kissed. The Ferris Wheel. The endless talks on the phone when we were sad or lonely or just wanted to hear each others voices. Just remembering these things makes me want to change my mind. I want to thanks you. Thank you for helping me get over my addictions. Thank you for helping me when I was struggling to find healing, love, and hope. Never forget that you were the one and only girl in my life and that no matter how long it takes for you to grieve, I will be there right by your side. I love you.

I closed the note. What? Why would he do this to me? I gave him everything. My love, affection, attention, time, care, hope. How could he just give up? I looked around. Where was he? I had searched everywhere but the main bathroom. I walked slowly. I was dreading this moment. I didn't want to know his fate. I slowly opened the door and saw him laying in the tub.

“No!” I screamed, looking up, as if I was yelling at God. I ran to him and held his limp body in my embrace. He couldn't be dead. He had to be alive. I checked his pulse. Slowly but surely, it was there.

“Honey? Can you hear me? You're okay. Everything will be okay.”

I picked him up, struggling, and took him down to the car. I set him in the backseat, got in, and started the car. I parked crookedly and pulled him out of the car. The emergency room was nearly empty when I busted through the doors, carrying him.

“Please,” I said breathlessly to the nurse that rushed over, “please save him. He's the only thing I have left.”

They had now put him on a stretcher and oxygen. An E.R. doctor came up to me.

“What happened?” he asked.

I calmed down a little to tell him.

“I came home and saw he was missing. I found him, overdosed on pills, in the tub in the bathroom.”

A nurse proceeded to take me out to the waiting room.

“They are pumping his stomach now. He'll be okay,” she said reassuring me, squeezed my shoulder, and walked away.

It felt like it had been 10 hours before the doctor came out.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” he said looking at me sympathetically, “but he's dying. The drugs took a turn on his system before we could save him. Now would be a good time to say goodbye before we take him off life support.”

I didn't respond, but instead ran to the room he was in. He was lying on the bed, weak and barely alive.

I hugged him.

“Don't leave me,” he said weakly.

“I won't ever leave you,” I said, sobbing and holding him closer.

“Can I have one last kiss?”

I didn't say anything, just kissed him. Lovingly. Passionately. It was our last kiss. I held his hand. The nurse and doctor walked in to the room.

“I'm sorry, we have to cut it off now or he will die painfully,” the doctor said.

The nurse came over and held me while he weakly squeezed my hand.

They pulled the plug. His hand become limp and the monitor was making a monotone sound. I couldn't believe it. He was gone. I was sitting int the hospital chair, staring into space. All the good times we had. Now the love of my life, my soul mate, was gone. He'll never be here again. He'll never come back. I stood up quickly and ran down to my car. Once I was home, I ran inside and slammed the door. The house was quiet. It was driving me insane. He brought life to our house. I looked around and fell on my knees, crying hysterically.

Why did God have to do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. If he was gone, I was going to go with him. I ran up to my room. Tears were streaming down my face. Was I ready for death? I sat on my bed, getting in the fetal position. He was gone. I will never see his perfect smile or his beautiful eyes again. I will never be able to feel his arms around me or cuddle with him when I've had a bad day. It all happened so quickly. Just as I was about to plunge the knife into my heart, I heard my name. Faint at first, but louder with each second.

“Who's there? Let me be!”

I listened closer. It was his voice.

Don't do it. I love you. I'll always be here, whether you can see me or not.

I began bawling.

“Why did you have to go?” I yelled aloud, “you were supposed to be here for me.”

It's okay, I'm here.

As soon as I heard that, I felt a familiar warmth around me. I began to realize, everything would be okay.

Well, I want to publish a book by the time I graduate so here are the very first drafts.

Chapter 1

It started out like any usual rainy Sunday. I semi-watched the news, as they jumbled on about a look out for serial killers. There were no pictures, but they gave a warning:

“We have identified the killers as a duo, one male and one female. We would like to issue a warning to anybody in the Madison District. The last killing took place there. Please, ladies and gents, lock your doors and be safe.”

As my stomach growled, I looked through the cabinets, realizing I had to go the grocery store for some bacon and eggs. Knowing my boyfriend, Niall, he would be grumpy for the rest of the day if breakfast wasn’t ready by the time he woke up. I grabbed my keys, put on my Dolce & Gabbana raincoat and boots over my pajamas and slippers. I got the groceries, and picked up a couple of coffees (one extra splash of caffeine and soy, light foam and one black) on the way back home. When I got home, Niall’s car was gone. Great, I thought. He must have gone to the studio with the guys. I made breakfast, and left some in the oven for when he got home. As I sat there, sulking, and ate, I heard a faint knock at the door. I got up and walked towards the door.

Who would be here at 9am on a Sunday? April was at church, Niall had a key, and if he was at the studio, so were the boys.

I opened the door and there stood the most drab-looking, sad little family. The man looked about 35ish, had a dark 5 o’clock shadow, and dirty denim cut offs. The woman looked about 5 years younger, dirty with scraggly hair, and a baby that only had a diaper on and was bawling their eyes out, on her hip. I stood there and gaped as the man spoke up,

“Hello. My name is Jeffrey and this is my wife Belinda, and my daughter, Katy. We have no home and it is cold. May we sit on your porch until the rain clears?”

“Of course! Actually, I just made breakfast, why don’t you come in?”

He looked surprised. “Are you sure?”

I nodded and led them to the kitchen. I set up the table, and split up Niall’s plate into 3 parts.

This time, Belinda spoke up. “We want to thank you. Nobody is ever this generous.”

I nodded as I started to make some coffee.

I took out three cups and offered some, “would you like some?”

As they ate and I sipped on my coffee, they told about what happened.

“We lost our home because Jeffrey lost his job as a meat inspector. I had started to work as a small time dress maker, but Jeffrey was gone a lot, and Katy was still a baby, so I had to stay home because we couldn’t afford a nanny,” Belinda explained.

I could feel the tears in my eyes well up.

“I’m so sorry. It must be rough living that way.”

I’m over here complaining about my boyfriend being grumpy and ruining my day, but this little family. They had disappointment ten times mine, every day.

As I stood up to go get a tissue, Jeffrey got up quick, took my hands, put them behind my back and slammed me to the ground, knocking the breath out of me.

Then everything went black.

Chapter 2

As I opened my eyes, I noticed I was in the basement, where I make most of my videos and music. Must have been a dream, I must have fallen sleep. As I got up, my head felt like it was going to explode. I must have just hit my head when I fell. I walked up the stairs, opened the door and saw the family sitting at the table.

The baby was crying off in a distance, and Belinda was wearing my very expensive Gucci azalea-pink-washed-silk dress and my Jimmy Choo Tan Leather and Snakeskin Ember Cutout Heeled Sandals. Oh was I going to rip her a new one.

How could they take advantage of me like this, even when I took them in? I thought. I snuck to the arch entering the kitchen. They had all of our savings on the table. Stacks of hundreds. Belinda was counting and Jeffrey looked as though he was going to snap.

“Will you shut that baby up?!? I’m going to go up there myself, if you don’t!”

Belinda rolled her eyes, “Fine.”

She got up and walked upstairs. Jeffrey stood up and walked to the bathroom. Now was my chance, I grabbed a steak knife and about $100. Right as I turned around, Jeffrey was there.

“So you think you can escape? You never will. We are just waiting for you to get ripe enough to surrender you, my dear.”

After his little speech, he grabbed my arm. I swung round and caught a little bit of his arm with the steak knife. He took my wrist, grabbed the knife, and pushed me on the ground. Once I was there, he held the knife against my throat.

“Do you want to live?” he said hoarsely.

I nodded my head. Just then, Belinda walked in.

“What are you doing?!? We don’t want to kill her yet! Are you crazy?”

I nodded my head, and he put the knife closer to my neck.

Jeffrey had me up, standing with my hands behind my back, and had a grip on my hair.

“Bell, take her to the basement.”

Belinda took my hair and hands, and took me back. As soon as we were out of Jeffery’s earshot, I spoke up.

“Belinda, please take me to the baby. I will take care of her. You won’t have to worry about him and his complaining. Please I won’t try to escape. Just let me be with the baby.”

Belinda sighed and looked straight into my eyes, “Okay. Fine but be quiet and I will bring both our meals at noon. One meal a day. And there are diapers in the bag on the bed. Put your phone in my hand.”

I gave her my work one, and hid my real one in my bust. She took me upstairs and took me to my room.

“Make sure that baby doesn’t cry or I will finish you myself,” she said threateningly.

As she closed the door, I noticed the door knobs were turned around, so the lock was on the outside. Great, I thought.

I talked to the baby, kept her happy. She finally fell asleep in my lap. Sure I wanted children, but not this way. I turned the T.V. on and put the captions on so I could mute it. The news was on and they had an urgent update:

“This just in: A baby girl, April, has been taken from her foster home this morning around 4:30. Authorities ask that the child is returned immediately.”

They then showed a picture of the exact same baby, I had in my lap. I began to cry. How could they be so heartless? A poor little baby who will never be with her parents. I set her on the bed and laid down. My eyes got heavy and I went into a deep sleep. I was woken up by a loud crash, like people were wrestling. I jiggled the doorknob.

It was unlocked. I opened the door slowly and peeked down the stairs. There was Niall and Jeffrey fighting. And Jeffrey was about to win. I kept quiet as they fought; only prayer could help Niall.

As I was about to close the door, I saw Jeffrey slam Niall into the ground, and Niall was knocked out. I closed the door and cried a silent cry as I heard Jeffrey order Belinda to take him to the basement. Then I fell asleep.

Chapter 3

I woke up crying. As I wiped my tears with my sleeve, I got up and checked on the baby. She was sound asleep. I looked around. I am now regretting putting the balcony in the guest bedroom and not in my room. I looked for a way to get down to the basement. I had to get Niall, make sure he was alright, and figure out how to escape. I opened the door as slowly as possible, snuck down the stairs, stopping at the end. I looked around. Nobody was in sight. I snuck to the basement door. As I began to open it, I heard Jeffrey.

“Belinda, just think. We will be the favorites in Master’s eyes. We will be awarded with riches. Our obedience is just half of the step there. Once we sacrifice her, he will make a delicious dinner.”

I shuttered silently. I waited until he turned the T.V. on. I opened and closed the door as quietly as possible and ran down the stairs. There, Niall was knocked out, with a busted lip and a gash on his eyebrow.

“Niall,” I whispered.

He made a loud grunt.

I covered his mouth, “Shush. They will hear you. We need to get up to our room. Just be quiet. That is the only way we are going to be able to escape.”

I sat him up. He looked at me, a tear going down his check.

“I thought they killed you. What the hell happened?”

So I told him about how I thought I was being kind, giving them food and drink, and them turning on me. I told him that there was a baby upstairs and that she was kidnapped. I told him how I watched the whole fight, struggling to be silent. I told him that Belinda was helping us out.

He looked confused, “How the hell is she helping? She does all his bidding.”

“I don’t know, Niall,” I replied, “but she took me up to watch the baby and she is feeding us. It’s like he brainwashed her or something.”

I helped him up and untied the cloth wrapped around his wrists. We slowly went up the stairs and I went first to check for Jeffrey or Belinda.

The coast was clear. We snuck to the stairs and back up to the room. I sat Niall on the bed, then closed the door.

April was wiggling on the bed, almost turning over. I went to her and picked her up. She gave me the most precious smile. Niall walked up behind me.

“She’s beautiful,” he said, holding her little hand, “what’s her name?”

“April.”

“Well, let’s get out of here for April,” he said.

I could see a look of determination on his face. He wanted to get of here. So did I, but there was no way to get past Jeffrey without some kind of weapon. I put April on the bed and looked at the clock. Almost noon. I could hear Belinda walking up the stairs, so I pushed Niall into the closet and told him to be quiet. She opened the door right as I got to the bed. She was wearing my new denim romper and my very expensive bright yellow heels.

“Look Belinda. You look cute and everything, but you can’t keep wearing my designer stuff. Why don’t you try let me pick out your outfits.”

She looked at me sternly then nodded.

“Tomorrow.”

Then she set the food on the table beside the bed then gave me a warm bottle and left.

I listened for her footsteps to disappear before I brought Niall out. I opened the closet door and helped him up.

“See, it’s like she’s brainwashed. When she talks to me, it’s like she is afraid of something,” I paused, “or someone.”

Niall and I split the plate.

“You have to save it to last through the day. We only get one meal a day.”

She brought up some broccoli and 2 hot dogs in buns. I gave him half the broccoli and one hot dog. We ate our first meal and I could see the cogs turning in his head.

Before I could ask what was wrong , he spoke up, “what did the parents say? How do you know the baby was kidnapped?”

“I put the T.V. on and muted it. The news was already on and that’s when the story came up about her being kidnapped,” I looked at him, “Niall, she’s a foster child. She has no parents.”

He went to the bed, picked her up and gave her the bottle. Soon, she was asleep in his arms. I started tearing up.

He put the baby down, looked at me and asked, “what’s wrong, love?”

I was blubbering now, “it’s just you and the baby and now we have to get out of here. For her. For us and our future.”

He pulled my head up, held me hand, kissed me and said, “I have a plan.”

So my birthday was Monday and I had a 3day birthday weekend. Friday, I had cake and ice cream and got presents<3 Saturday, we celebrated my cousins birthday( who was also born on the 21st) and had a party. And Sunday we went to the city and went to Cirque du Soliel: Quidam and went shopping. Soooo yeah <3

Love you my pretties,

NerdyGirl

Today's my 14th birthday!! Well, I thought I would do a blog for anyone wants to do a Hunger Games Party.

We bought different little knick knacks for the party. mostly, my mom made that stuff. We went to that dollar store and got cheap plates that have silver swirlies in them. The same with cups and my mom is going to fold up some clothe napkins for the guests. We decided that our hous ewas the capitol so we are going to have a formal dinner( like in the books) before all the competitions. We also are doing different games like a scavenger hunt and shoot the arrow at the rabbit. I'll post pics tomorrow.

Joyful,

NerdyGirl

NEW GUY AT SCHOOL! READ ALL ABOUT IT! He's from  CHINA, of all places. He's cute, but my frind likes him. Oh,well.  Here is my friend, Taco's, message:

hello how are all of u today.

Well, yeah, that was Taco(not his real name.)

OMG Update: I get to take China(that's what I'll call him,) out to the pick up from school. Yes, I'm in school but it's approved.

Love ya and Happily in Joy,

NerdyGirl

Today, I'm at a girl scout Saturday! Us, Cadettes, are learning about netiquitte. I never talk bad about anyone, no matter how tempting it is. Yup.

I think I'm over my crush with Crush guy, but,wait, do I see a new light? Yes, his name is D and serves at my church. AND he's blonde!!! LOL, gotta love blonde! P.S. Check out So Fly by Elle varner!!

Love,

Nerdy Girl